The Art of not being offended

This article was send to me long ago, I find it interesting and would like to share this

The Art of Not Being Offended
By Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli

There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great
Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they
use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health.
This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to
truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every
statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum
result of their total life experience to date.

In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what
they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and
attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has
nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other
times, and in particular the first few times, that this person
experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young.

Yes, this is psychodynamic. But let's face it, we live in a world
where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual
who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person
really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer.
In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.

All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest
loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We
are all swimming in the projections and filters of each other's life
experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of
life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This
is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our
relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we
get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding.

A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and
less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that
we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at
the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are
doing—we don't have to take life personally. If it weren't us, it
would likely be someone else.

This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of
people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by
being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be
hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an
opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if
they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all
acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of
suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something
changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it
is usually better not to say a thing.

People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the
outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that
they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one's therapist.
We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we
ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to
make the world a better place.

This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt,
neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm
to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a
magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start
to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only
happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing
is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, "Thank
you for sharing," and move on. We are not hooked by what another does
or says, since we know it is not about us.

When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what
another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less
seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating
more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that
we are good and worthy people.

The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment,
regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine
art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a
practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is
truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.

It's not always what you look at that matters. It's what you see.
Henry David Thoreau